Saturday, May 29, 2010

Earphones: Do I REALLY have to say this?

Ok, so I get that Triathlons are boring, and I get that training for tri's is also boring.  That DOES NOT mean you should shut out the outside world while you do hot laps up and down the bike path.  Commuters: same shit.  I know that you don't know how to ride a bike anyway, and that's okay, I'm happy that you're swerving down the bike path instead of swerving into me in your SUV, but do you really need to complicate something you apparently struggle with already by removing one of your senses?

Road cyclists, you have no excuse.  One of the purposes of getting on the bike is to escape from the constant drone of technology.  The other is to suffer.  Of course there is also an implied goal in there to make it home without getting run over.  Listening to music inhibits all of these.  You might as well be driving your car or sitting in front of your computer at work.  And the suffering:  music distracts from it.  You really shouldn't short change the suffering.

I'm not buying your "it's not very loud" or "it's only one ear" bullshit.  Even turned off completely, earphones block a fair amount of outside noise, and I have no desire to make myself blind in only one eye.  When you are cycling, it's best to assume that every single other person is both completely unaware of your presence, meanwhile they are trying to kill you.  If you were being hunted by ninjas in big lumbering SUV's, would you not want to hear them coming, and at least brace for impact?

And then of course there's me.  I have to somehow get around your path swerving bumbling beach cruiser, road bike with clip ons, or whatever.  Trying to predict when to pass is a lot like watching plinko, and it's not made any easier when my "on your left" falls on deaf ears.

To sum up, just don't do it.  Of course if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to run you over, go for it, but if it's in a place where me, or anybody else can tell that you're trying to block us out, we're all going to think you're a douchebag.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I see people breaking rules all the time.  For this particular offender on my way home yesterday, his "ride super fast and try to drop the guy in matching kit whilst looking backward erratically" speed was strikingly similar to my "riding with no hands while trying to fish a camera/phone out of my backpack" speed, so he got documented.
Don't do this:

Of course this guy is breaking all sorts of rules (backpack, non-functioning blinky light, dork disk (not pictured), hairy legs, MTB jersey,  1980's bike shorts with neon yellow and purple stripes.  All of those would be forgivable since he obviously isn't a roadie, he's a commuter, albeit a commuter desperately trying to drop a roadie. . .

But under NO circumstances should ANYBODY be allowed to rock the back gap.  Just don't people.  The LAST thing I want to see on my leisurely ride home is your hairy, sweaty assback.  It's only made worse by the part where you're desperately trying to stay in front of me, and my mandated recovery wattage isn't enough to drop you.

Related note:  Don't try to drop people on the bike path or on city streets.  It's stupid, unsafe, and worst of all, it makes you look desperate.  If you want to race, you know where to sign up.  If you want to be competitive with other cyclists on the road, even that has a place, but that place is on the training hill, not on your commute home.  Definitely not on mine.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Cycling Caps part Deux:

Ok, so upon reader comments, and careful consideration, I rescind my previous judgment on cycling caps.

The goal of this blog is to explain the rules as they are, not to make them up based on my own judgment or opinions.

I stand by my previous statements though.  Cycling caps are mostly useless.  What about a flippy bill keeps your head warm?  I have plenty of cycling specific beanies for their sweat-wicking and head-warming properties.  And I've never once thought to myself "wow, I really wish I had a diminutive bill on here to keep me warmer."  When it's raining, I'm less worried about water from the sky, and more worried about the crap coming from the wheel of the guy in front of me.... but I digress.

The new verdict: Cycling Caps = Ok, but proceed with caution, and be prepared to defend your decision.

Make sure you look more like this guy:

And less like this guy:

And whether you decide to rub a cap or not... riding without a helmet is still retarded.  Period.

Boonen pic stolen from

Friday, May 7, 2010

Cycling Caps: Nope.

On friday morning, I received my first comment from someone I don't actually know.  That's rad, thanks!  To end my brief hiatus from complaining blogging about cycling, I will answer your question:  No, cycling caps are, sadly, not allowed.

My problem with these things is twofold:
1.  I don't think they actually serve any useful purpose. 
You should already be wearing a helmet and sunglasses, so why do you need a tight fitting cap with a short/flippable bill?  Their wicking properties are practically nonexistant, as are their sunblocking properties.  The bill is big enough to get in the way, but not big enough to actually do anything useful.  The one possible exception is that I've heard that these things can keep water out of your face if it's raining.  I don't believe this, but haven't disproven it either.

2.  Douchebags wear cycling caps.
Hipsters. Euro wannabe riders.  That bike shop mechanic with hairy legs that swears he rides 500 miles a week on his fixed gear but is at least 20 pounds overweight and obviously painfully slow.  People with way too much facial hair.  All of these people think it's okay to wear cycling caps, so why would you want to be associated with them?  You don't.

I've tried to like them.  I've perused the entire catalog over at, but I really think that they are better left to people you don't want to associate with.  And Ivan Basso, who can really do whatever the fuck he wants.